The feeling is terrific, it feels… good. A feeling of purpose and ownership toward my life, my day, my future. It is however, and by its nature, unsure.
Everyone has the same question at some point in our conversations, “Where to first?” I don’t have an answer; I have an idea, or three. What they fail to realize is that we are already on the journey, we’ve already departed, from the plan.
The plan… I had every intention of insulting the plan. The one that says you need to purchase some knowledge, enter a job, pay back the debt you owe for the knowledge someone else needs, earn enough money to finally retire, then do the things you’ve wanted to do all along. Even easier to insult is the Department of Defense and its model of get your foot in the door, get trained (barely), do just a little better than minimum, blame paperwork when you don’t, then get promoted out of necessity, not capability, until you are ready to retire and do the things you wanted to do all along. I still just want to rant and rave about it, but that is enough. That is there and then, here and now is so much more important.
Here and now, I am for Megan and I. I am moving and straining towards just what I want, what we want. What that is we have a pretty good idea, but it is broad; if we start to plan it too much we are going to expect and be closed to different things and feelings. Just like Megan’s previous blog where she talked about learning to deal with different, if you embrace the unsure and move towards what feels right, though it may take a strain, you find something: a feeling of being and finding something you weren’t looking for, but treasure twice as much because of it.
I will miss a few things about the shipyard, just like I do about the navy, but I am so much more interested and excited for my day now that it is mine. I am unsure what tomorrow will be but now instead of a plan driving me, I’m driving the plan.