Reality, the ladder

I call myself a realist, but that doesn’t mean I, or anyone else with the label, are any good at dealing with reality. It just means the stark reality of things, emotions, dreams, are black and white. Right now the black and whites of this adventure are in stark contrast. Ironically one of those clear realities is gray. Well only a little gray.

I attempted to lay a coat of “deck over” paint on our recently sanded and prepped deck, and it rained that same night.

Black and white, well gray and barely, I was unsuccessful. I made a rash decision halfway through my paint job to continue into dusk. I had been painting in direct sunlight, and as the sun went behind the trees I decided to continue as it was not raining for once. That portion of the deck is painted and looks great, however when I decided to continue I was constantly touching up and those touchups have run into the good portion. The section I continued with stayed wet into the next day and were nearly completely washed away by rain. It may have to stay this way for the sale of the home, as the frequency of rain is likely to cause this problem again.

This is coupled with another speed bump, where I attempted to remove some wallpaper and found that there was not contact paper behind it, but a thick layer of glue that is nearly impossible to remove. It is visible in the picture on the right; the wall behind is knock-down and they used some sort of paste to try to make up the gaps. I am in talks with a painter to come lend a hand.

Right now my sole purpose is to complete these, and other tasks, that are rungs on a ladder climbing us up and into our coddiwomple. More black and white, I received my last dollar as a federal employee. This was planned, but I was hopeful that by the time this happened the house would be in great shape and ready to be on the market.

These things are real, they’re rusty rungs on the ladder, only, those rungs are not the end. I’ve spent so much time staring at them and questioning how to remove the rust that I have not realized I have the strength to reach for the next rung. Reality is ever changing, you are ever changing. The grace and strength to climb the ladder, even past the rusty rungs and continue is a huge part of this coddiwomple. Just like my first post, I’m realizing that I am already on the adventure, already being faced with challenges I need to be prepared to see again.

And I am learning – learning my realism may not be armor but the source of a wound, staring at problems and dwelling, there at that rusty rung, will only stop and hurt. Learning that progress is the only option because wounds heal and that next rung on the ladder is higher, better, closer to what I want. Black and white, reality, are not in my control, but my actions are and I have the strength to reach past, to look down and see how far I, we, have come.

Its November and the house is nearly empty. The garage is hardly full, and more than half of what was inside gone. The major maintenance on the house is nearly done, with a few hiccups, and we are in talks to place it on the market this month.

We have our tow vehicle, we are actively moving into Odessa, and not just sleeping but cooking, cleaning, and LIVING there. Learning that the little bit we have left is still a lot and that we can be even smaller.

The reality of it is that we have come a long way, in a short amount of time, and that any pressure or stress is coming from ourselves. Reality, the ladder, will not change, and the only way to go is up. Those rusty rungs can either stop you dead, or be what makes the next one look easy.